When I came home today I found a local politician’s (let’s call her Jane Doe) “Legislative Report” flyer in my mailbox. Not an admitted fan of Representative Doe, I nonetheless opened it up to peruse the words I knew were being abused by that poor piece of glossy paper. I couldn’t believe the linguistic abuse I saw.
The flyer was presented in newsletter format, complete with bolded headlines and (mostly) relevant stock images. Goodie. I’m hooked. The first “story” I read was entitled “Protecting the Right to Bear Arms.” Naturally it had a picture above it: a handgun with several bullets strewn strategically around the handle. And here’s the first sentence for that topic:
“I voted for legislation that I believe will help Hoosiers to protect themselves on the commute to and from work.”
Apparently my 2 mile drive to and from work is in need of some self-protection? Are questionable characters after my 7-11 blueberry coffee and cinnamon roll? Could they be wanting the answer key to yesterday’s exam? Or do they just want to wreak havoc by using up my highlighters all up. It doesn’t really matter because now I can protect myself from those nefarious characters, thanks to Representative Doe. Okay, onto the last sentence of that same story:
“Additionally, I voted to keep certain personal information about Hoosiers with licenses to carry a handgun confidential.”
Jane, Jane, Jane. This sentence is an absolute bear to read. Let me see…since I carry a license you protected my rights to…oh wait, if I carried a handgun license you protected my rights to keep some information private. Gotcha. Whew. Glad we cleared up that mess.
Giving Representative Doe the benefit of the doubt, I went onto another story: “Cracking Down on Meth.” This seems like a good topic, and a timely one at that:
“Methamphetamine, commonly referred to as ‘meth,’ is a debilitating drug that has affected many Hoosier communities. The number of meth related arrests has increased nearly 40% since 2008. This year, I supported a law to strengthen Indiana’s meth laws. The law puts additional limitations on the amount of commonly used products used to produce meth that an individual can purchase.”
I read that last sentence twice. At first I thought she was saying our local grocery stores would now have a Meth aisle where one can go buy their drug of choice. Could you imagine the sales they’d have? “Crack, two-for $20″ or “buy one get one free.” It would be a coupon-lover’s delight. Besides, this explains why it’s up 40%.
Putting Representative Doe aside for a moment, my real concern is for the words she employed in this Legislative Report. I feel bad for them, i really do. I think words get no respect from anyone. We just use them without thinking. An “a” here, a “the” there. We just pick and choose without even considering their feelings.
I think words should unionize and picket major media outlets in order to get more respect from us symbol-using, gun toting, meth buying, individuals. We’ve taken them for granted long enough. Words have feelings too, you know!
Think before you type. That’s all I’m asking.
